Love Letters: The Classics

Tuesday | August 27, 2024

Love Letters Dating

Love Letters: The Classics

As promised, for the last week of August, I’m rolling out some classic letters – just to see if my/our advice would change, etc.

This letter is from a decade ago. I stand by my advice, which was basically to rent a car.

I’m including some popular comments from that day.

Dear Meredith,

I am really bad at writing but I have wanted to do this for a while. Here it goes.

I met my friend at work. He is not a coworker but does work in my building. Which is now my old building because I no longer work for the same company.

We started off as friends. We would go on smoke breaks together or go for walks during lunch.

He is a couple of years younger and is a single father. He works very hard for his daughter and just adores her. There have been a couple of times that we went out after work. It’s always a blast. Yes, things have happened. I truly adore this man.

But we live about an hour away from each other and I don’t drive. He will tell me he wants to visit, but then something always seems to come up. He has come once and has given me rides home when we hang out late in Boston.

I guess I am really confused because he says things to me like “you hold a special place in my heart.” I understand that he is a single father and respect that he is not ready to bring her around me, but there are times he doesn’t follow through or just doesn’t answer my texts.

I say actions speak louder than words. Should I just let go? Does he really care about me? I am so confused. Please help.

– Does He Like Me?

It’s time to have a talk about what you’re doing.

Ask him what he wants – whether he’s ready to see you more often and how that can happen. If he only wants an occasional date when he has time, that’s fine, but you need to know so you can make decisions and manage your expectations.

He probably does care about you, but his other priorities come first. The “actions speak louder than words” rule doesn’t always work with a single dad who’s spread thin. That’s why you have to talk.

No matter what, don’t expect this relationship to get more serious without you figuring out a way to handle some of the transportation on your own. If you guys decide to try to make this work, you’ll need to be able to get to him.

– Meredith

You come off sounding a bit like a child yourself – the naive, or at least not too experienced in the dating world. This guy has his plate full as a single dad and you represent a bit of adult time for him when he can sleep with you – but not enough of a relationship for him to invest much time in. And a woman who lives an hour away, who doesn’t even work in his building anymore, AND doesn’t drive – is waaayyy too much responsibility for him to add to his plate. This is not going to work out and you should find some one else. And I think you need to work on yourself and have more to offer to the next relationship – guys can’t do 100% of the work. HMSBS

I don’t think his behavior has anything to do with his daughter. He hooks up when its convenient. Feel free to have a talk with him about where this is going, but after that talk, expect to no longer get any response to your texts and calls. If you can enjoy this for what it is, keep at it. Otherwise, forget it. ASH

If you want more with this guy you have to try harder. That simple. You can’t make him drive an hour just to get a tap at your boots, that can be draining for him to have expectations of building something with someone who doesn’t try. KINDGUPPY

You are being unrealistic if you expect to be courted in the traditional sense by a young single father who lives an hour way, especially if you can’t at least meet him in the middle. -ZEPTEMBER

What’s on your mind about your relationship life? Friendships? Dating? Crushes? Divorce? Adjusting to change? Ask your own question. Use the anonymous form or email [email protected].