Love Letters Classics: the disappointing second date

Wednesday | August 28, 2024

Love Letters Dating

Love Letters Classics: the disappointing second date

We continue an end-of-August run of classic letters from summers past. This one is nine years old. I did see your notes to include the original link – which for today’s letter is here (and I’ll put in yesterday’s).

Like yesterday, I stand by our original advice to this letter writer. In comments, I agree with Gretchynn very much, and admire that ability to ask for what you want and be OK with not getting it.

Have your own question in 2024? Use the anonymous form or email [email protected].

I went out with a woman I met online. Prior to going out, we texted for a week leading up to our date, several times a day, in fact. We seemed to click and to really get along, so after we finished our “get to know” you drinks we ended up meeting up with a group of her friends at a bar. After a few fours of hanging out, she let it be known in no uncertain terms that she wanted me to kiss her. Done and done. That led to a little more kissing, and pretty soon we were full-on making out in public. We got a cab to leave, and during the cab ride we were still making out. We got to her house and kissed and grabbed a little more and she said, “There will be plenty of time for this later.” I was more than cool with that and said goodnight.

We continued to text daily, several times a day, and then finally met up for our second date. I walked into where I was supposed to meet her, and her body language screamed “uninterested.” She even moved back a little when I went to hug her hello. Over the course of the night, she was being what I would call “polite.” She didn’t seem comfortable when I would touch her arm or something small like that. Our night wrapped up and I walked her to her car where we shared an incredibly awkward hug and I went on my way.

Now I am completely baffled. I didn’t know if because things got off to a quick physical start, she felt the need to make it clear that she wasn’t “that type of girl.” Or maybe I was just a mistake she made after a couple of drinks and she didn’t want to just ignore me. If we hadn’t texted all week long between dates, I could kind of see her not being into me. But she seemed into me with every interaction, except date number two. What’s up? Should I move on or make an effort? I really like her, but I also don’t want to be clingy.

— What Happened?

Maybe she was embarrassed by all of the making out during the first date. Or maybe she had a better first date with someone else before she was able to have a second date with you. We’ll probably never know why this woman changed her attitude, but it sort of doesn’t matter. All we need to know is that her behavior hasn’t been consistent, which means that you should be wary.

If you’re still hopeful, you can ask her out for a third date just to see whether you’re met with any enthusiasm. Sometimes people have an off night; It’s better to ask than to wonder.

Just try to manage your expectations, and keep the texting to a minimum so you don’t get a false sense of intimacy. It’s pretty easy to send someone a bunch of cute texts without much thought, but you shouldn’t take those messages seriously until you know how someone treats you in person over time.

– Meredith

I had a great 1st date with a guy (no kissing or any of that) and then an awkward second date with a weird ending on my doorstep. I liked him so I told him I’d like to see him again before he walked back to his car. He called me a few days later to tell me he wasn’t really feeling it. I felt sad and then put on my adult panties and moved forward. I don’t regret saying what I wanted to say. I was honest and he was honest. I feel like you can either spend a ton of time thinking, and wondering and waiting and over-analyzing or you can just go for it. I’m a do-er and just going for it always makes the most sense to me even if the answer isn’t what I want. GRETCHYNN

I don’t know. It really does not matter at this point. Don’t ask her on a third date. Oh, and stop pretending texting is like real talking – it isn’t. FRIENDY

Seriously though, you were a novelty on the first date. A new toy to show off and have fun with. Now you’re old hat. Welcome to dating. SMASHATOMS4

What’s on your mind about your relationship life? Friendships? Dating? Crushes? Divorce? Adjusting to change? Ask your own question. Use the anonymous form or email [email protected].

Dating