Hey Meredith,

Longtime reader here. I have been with my boyfriend for about five years now, all through college and now into our post-grad lives. We have recently started to discuss moving in together next September. This is something I have been wanting for some time now but wasn’t sure if we were ready. Things now seem to be aligning perfectly for us to take this next step. But every time I try to talk to him about it and ask him how he feels about it, his response is always, “I don’t know.” He says his biggest fears are no longer being “one of the guys,” and how hard it would be if we were to break up. Which are absolutely legitimate concerns and have obviously crossed my mind as well. However I am willing to take that chance. But when I ask if he is, he continues to say, “I don’t know.”

I’ve told him more than once that if he really doesn’t want to take this next step to just tell me and we can talk about it, because him dragging me along to just say no at the last minute would hurt me more than if he were to say no now. What I’m asking here is: How do I proceed? I want to continue having these conversations because I feel like it needs to be talked about. We both also have roommates who would need to figure out their own living situations, as well. I do not want to give him an ultimatum at all as I believe they only hurt relationships. But I do want a more concrete answer soon so that we can all plan our next steps accordingly. I’m worried that if I continue to bring this topic up we’ll both get frustrated with each other and it will only make matters worse. But on the flip side, this isn’t something that we can “table” forever.

– Ready to Take the Plunge