I’m a 45-year-old attractive and accomplished divorced woman, a physician, and have children. Other than my marriage, I’ve had one relationship that lasted more than a year and felt healthy and blissful – until a friend sent me a photo of my boyfriend on a dating website. I ended the relationship promptly and had severe anxiety and depression for about a year. It had triggered trauma from my past (emotionally abusive marriage).

Two years after healing from that, I started looking at dating websites again. This handsome, intelligent, and accomplished man sent me a sweet message and we started chatting. We went on our first date and hit it off, staying until the restaurant completely closed! We met for coffee the next morning and enjoyed our time again. Then several weeks passed with fizzling texts. I even started talking to a different guy who kept cancelling dates. He occupied my attention for several weeks. During that time, and because I was into the new guy, I had sent Gentleman #1 a message saying I’ll be focusing my attention on a different person and would never ghost someone, so I’d be stopping my communication. His thanked me for my message and said I’d always be in his contact list. When I gave up on the cancelling gentleman, I jokingly sent Gentleman #1 a message updating him on my life events and asked if he’d consider being my friend, as I had enjoyed his company tremendously. His response was prompt and said we should get together.

Date #3 was really sweet and I felt connected to him through our conversation. He completely surprised me with a passionate kiss after he walked me to my car, leaving me wanting more. More texts and date #4 happens a week later, just as sweet as date #3, also ending in sweet kissing. Now it’s the fourth week after date #4, and this past week has turned quite cold from his end with very brief responses, if at all, for no clear reason. Finally, I messaged him that I felt he needs a break from me and that he can text me when he feels like chatting. I have told him that I am not seeking marriage or even a very serious relationship and simply want companionship over coffee, wine, or dinner every now and then. I don’t have expectations for much, but dislike being made to feel like I’m a bother. I don’t know how to handle a man who is hot and cold without warning. What does one do in such a situation? I wish he would just say where he stands rather than leaving me wondering and questioning my sanity. Should I stay away and move on, even though I really, really like this guy? Is such behavior normal in men nowadays? Would it be wrong if I just pointedly asked him what is going on or would it be taken wrongly as me being clingy/needy? Please help me understand dating in today’s world.

– Fizzled