I am writing about my relationship, which I am assuming is over. I am just having a hard time facing it.

We are both in our 40s — I’m divorced, he’s in a long-term separation. We have been together (this time) for 4 years, on and off but mostly on. He is not divorced and recently that has been a point of contention for us. I have said that it has become important to me that he get divorced. It isn’t that I am looking to marry again, but I just want him divorced so that I can feel more comfortable with us being together. I don’t want to feel like the other woman (even though the relationship didn’t start until after his separation) and I’d like him to be able to introduce me to his kids, which he hasn’t yet.

We enjoy each other’s company, went on a great vacation last year, and on the days he doesn’t have his kids, he spends the evenings and overnights at my house. I love him and believed him when he said he loved me. I went through a rough patch professionally last year, and he was very supportive of me — both emotionally and in providing help to get me though things.
We spent the better part of last year talking about him pursuing a divorce, and as much avoids conflict in any area of his life, it was progress. He met with a lawyer, told his wife that he wanted a divorce, she was in agreement, and they even met with a mediator. However, money is tight and there are financial factors that he seems to feel are insurmountable.

Fast forward to six weeks ago. I asked for an update and he admitted that he was not going to move forward on a divorce — at least for now. He assured me over and over that he does not still love her and does not want to be with her. We fought, and he has basically refused to see/talk to me since.

We have had limited conversations — mostly texts, and he frequently agrees to call me and have us get together to talk things through but he always cancels. When I ask him what he wants, he says he doesn’t know.

We were together briefly about 10 years ago and things ended in a similar way. He just shut me out of his life — wouldn’t answer his phone if I called, avoided me if we saw each other, etc. He did the same thing about two years ago, but after some months of being apart, we slowly started spending time together again (after I initiated contact), and ended up back together ever since. In the past, he has blamed this behavior on depression.

I will mention that his job has been extremely demanding this winter relative to snow removal, so I also know that has contributed to his stress.

Is this depression or just an avoidance of the conflict of breaking up with me? Should I walk away?

– Beating a Dead Horse