Is My Boyfriend Controlling?

Thursday | March 30, 2017

Love Letters Dating

Is My Boyfriend Controlling?

I’ve been with my boyfriend for over two years now – we’re in college. Very recently, a guy I used to know FaceTimed me. I didn’t recognize his number because it isn’t saved. The thing is, we had casual sex three years ago.

When I answered, it turned out he was calling to ask about an assignment we both have. He also asked if I wanted to study (in a public space). I responded that it wasn’t a good idea because I have a boyfriend. He said that it’s not his intention to upset me, and that my boyfriend can be there too if I want.

After saying no again and hanging up, I told my boyfriend, trying to be honest, and he was upset, saying that he wanted to talk to this guy to make him stop contacting me. (The guy has reached out before.) I know this will blow up if he does that, so I told him that I’d already dealt with it. But he says I haven’t done enough. I don’t know if this is normal or if he’s overreacting and being controlling. The last thing I told him was that I had blocked the guy’s number.

– FaceTimed

Some talking points/questions for a discussion with your boyfriend:

1. There are going to be other men who give you attention, sometimes with the hope of sleeping with you. Your boyfriend can’t follow you everywhere, having conversations with all threats. Can he trust you to respect and honor your commitment? If not, this won’t work.

2. You answered that call because the guy’s number wasn’t even in your phone. Your response was to set a boundary and block his number. What other steps were you supposed to take? (After you ask this question, think about whether his answer is reasonable.)

3. Is there anything happening in the relationship that’s making your boyfriend feel weird or insecure? Sometimes big reactions have nothing to do with the thing that sets them off.

After you have this discussion, think about how your boyfriend responds to other relationships in your life. Is he open to you having friends? Does he try to limit your interactions with others? That’s when you have to worry. That’s when it’s about control. You should be with someone who wants your community – and your world – to grow.

– Meredith

Readers? Another controlling partner? Should the boyfriend be reaching out to this guy?

Dating

Featured Comment

Trouble in the making. BF gets mad about a thing that happened before him and still won’t let it go after you told him it’s all taken care of. The whole things sounds as if he is being unreasonable. Cut your loses and go after someone that respect you.

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