This is a numbers thing, I think. 

On an app or at a speed dating event with a bunch of strangers, there are going to a bunch of people you’d never want to date, and maybe a few you’d like to get to know better.

There’s some luck involved in finding the right people in the crowd. It can take a very long time.

Also, some people don’t show you all of themselves during a short interaction. They might be doing a lot of personal work, and might be wonderful on any other night. It’s hard to figure someone out in just a few minutes.

I wish I had advice beyond “be patient.” I’m sure others have told you to join groups (and apps) that expose you to new communities. Maybe some extra volunteer work – like getting involved with a festival that features art, books, or music you care about.

I can validate that it’s annoying, disheartening, and time-consuming, and sometimes it’s like … “ugh … why am I even looking?” Especially after a break. Especially when you’re like, “I’m ready, so why isn’t everyone else?”

Part of this is understanding that regardless of how good you feel, it’s still a long process that people make hit TV shows about. There are big ups and downs. Lots of plots that go nowhere. The thing that’s different now is that better equipped to handle it if you get lucky and meet someone cool.

As running people say, it’s a marathon not a sprint. If we’re sticking with that metaphor, sometimes it’s more pleasant to walk the marathon route and enjoy scenery, take detours, stop to have some sandwiches, and have and find some good company along the way. You’ll get there eventually.

– Meredith