Inexperienced At 23

Thursday | September 15, 2016

Love Letters Dating

Inexperienced At 23

Dear Meredith,

I’m 23, and the most I’ve ever done with a guy is hold his hand. I grew up with low self-esteem in high school. By the time I got to college, I was playing sports and my life did a 180, and I really started to love myself. But I came home and all of my friends decided to analyze my life and tell me how there is something wrong with me because I’ve never had a boyfriend or really done anything sexual. It never bothered me before this.

One boy asked me out in high school, but other than that, no one has ever seemed to have any interest in me. I tried dating (mostly just Tinder, which I’ve come to really hate) but it just feels exhausting. I can’t seem to hold interest in anyone, and everyone around me keeps telling me that I’m running out of time and that I’ll end up settling for someone I don’t really care about if I don’t find someone soonish. They tell me I’m afraid of relationships, but I feel like I just haven’t found anyone I wanted to be with.

I’m not looking for Prince Charming or anything, I just want someone I vibe with. At least someone who has ambition and is interested in some of the same things as I am. But I’m beginning to become anxious about my life. Is it really that strange to be my age and not have any romantic or sexual experience? Should I really be worried about being forever alone?

– 23

Not weird. Not too late. Being single at 23 doesn’t mean you’ll be forever alone. I cannot stress enough that there are many 23-year-olds in the same position. Your inexperience is not a big deal unless you want it to be.

I’ll tell you what I tell everyone with dating fatigue, which is that looking for a partner can be exhausting, and that it’s OK to take breaks. Perhaps you can take a Tinder vacation and join some sports teams instead. Maybe you can focus on making some new friends, which might expand your circle. As long as you’re focused on growing your community, you’re good.

When it comes to your friends, just stay strong and try to remember where they’re coming from. They’re concerned about their own futures, which is why they’re so worried about yours. Sometimes I gave not-so-great advice to friends in my 20s because I couldn’t see beyond my own fears. You can assure your friends that you’re OK, and that no one is “running out of time.”

– Meredith

Readers? Anything to worry about here?

Sex 🖤 Dating

Featured Comment

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with your lack of relationship experience and sexual experience. The only thing that you are doing wrong is giving your friend’s advice too much credence. Pay attention to your values and use them as your guide as when you navigate the world of relationships.

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