It is hard to get a read on people when you meet them on an app. That’s why you move from messages to a coffee date – or a FaceTime session in between.

It’s a process, one that isn’t so different than seeing a bunch of people at a bar and wondering who’s worth talking to.

My advice is to reframe apps as a starting point. Swipe right on the people you like, and if they can’t move to the next step within a week or two, stop communication. 

You’ve already done this once. It didn’t turn into more, but it was a date. Try more of that.

You can also check out surrounding church activities. You know people in your organization, but have you ever volunteered with a similar group or gone to a gathering in another town? It’s kind of like high school. Sometimes you take a bus to a school down the street and say, “Whoa. I’ve been missing so much.”

There’s no magic path to knowing whether someone is great for you – no perfect way to optimize the process. Dating is often about trial and error, boredom, excitement, disappointment, and starting all over again. If you stop trying to avoid all the bad stuff, you might find more of the good.

– Meredith

Readers? Advice for dating when you don’t see anyone you like?

Send your own question. I want to hear what’s on your mind about exes, dating, love, loss, frustrations, hopes, friendship, marriage, etc. Use the anonymous form or email [email protected].