I’m The 9th Wheel

Wednesday | September 5, 2012

Love Letters Dating

I’m The 9th Wheel

I am one of the only single people in my group of friends. We’re at a point in our lives where most of my friends who have been with their significant others since college (we are in our late 20s) are getting engaged, and sometimes I feel left out of their wedding conversations.

My hooked-up friends are wonderful and know that I feel out of the loop in these conversations. I love them very much, but I think that they see my being single as a problem. They spend hours and hours trying to set me up with guys so that I don’t have to be the 7th or 9th wheel anymore, and I really do appreciate their efforts. The issue is that I am not interested in dating. I don’t know if there is something wrong with me, but I just don’t feel like it. Any guy they try to set me up with I end up turning down, and I don’t know if they are setting me up with the wrong people or if there is some other subconscious reason that I don’t want to date them.

It has gotten to the point where some of my friends get angry with me for turning down the guys they set me up with. I don’t want to make them mad, but I’ve never asked them to set me up.

Is there something wrong with me? What should I do?

– Just Not That Kind of Girl, Boston

There’s nothing wrong with you, JNTKOG. You’re enjoying life, and you just don’t need a partner right now.

Please explain to your friends that you’re not in a good place for set-ups. You obviously don’t like blind dates and high-pressure introductions. You just want to hang out.

For that reason, they should focus on having parties and group dinners where their single friends can relax and have a good time. I don’t want you to wear blinders and limit yourself with a “no dating” rule. If your friends have friends, I want you to meet them. But parties are better for mingling without expectations. Tell your betrothed pals that you’d rather socialize in a big group of couples and singles so that you can expand your community on your own terms.

Also, I understand that these friends are probably your core group, but you need to make sure that you surround yourself with some single peers. Like-minded 9th wheels make great company. Find them and stay close. They might even inspire you to want to date.

Readers? Is she really opposed to finding a relationship or does she just hate dating? Should she tell her friends that she doesn’t want to meet people? Should she be giving these guys a real chance? What’s happening here? Help.

– Meredith

Dating