A.

This came in on Valentine’s Day, so I want to address it quickly. During February, at least.

Letter writer, I will not tell you to have a better attitude.

I will not tell you to soften up or be less independent. 

I will not tell you to join some plant club to meet someone who also likes plants. (I assume that part of your interest in plants is that they keep to themselves.)

I suggest finding some company online. Find a local discussion forum about something you don’t hate. Maybe it is a garden club – but the social media page, where people discuss projects. 

Then you can chat with others, but there’s a boundary. If you decide you like what a certain person says, you can seek them out – in small doses. This could also work with a volunteer project – something that starts online and moves into the real world.

“Small doses” is key here. There’s no need to jump into full-time company.

Trust me, a ton of people are in a similar position. They feel isolated, but they don’t know how to connect with others in a way that feels comfortable. I hope that puts you at ease a bit.

If the garden page is too much for you, start with a more isolated group activity. I signed up for the Globe’s Winter Soup Club. They send a recipe, I can make it. Everyone makes it. I feel part of a larger community, even if never see the other soup enthusiasts. It’s just nice to feel part of something.

I’ll also say that having a friend around is nice. Again, in small doses. It might remind you that you do have platonic love around. If you have an old friend you haven’t seen in forever, reach out and make it happen. 

Also know this: most people don’t care about Valentine’s Day. Media companies care. People selling things care. But it’s not an important holiday, and there are better ones (Halloween).

Please don’t assume the rest of the world loves heart-shaped things. I’ll eat a heart-shaped cookie, but I’ll also eat that cookie if it’s shaped like a snowman … or a ghost … or a car … or a blob.

I just want the cookie.

– Meredith