My first thought: consider therapy, where you can talk about a lifetime of expectations and pressures. It sounds like you want to process your childhood – the rules that worked for you, and the few that didn’t.

It might be a freeing process, so go for it.

My second thought: Don’t settle or compromise, but do get to know people before rejecting them.

Many times, people click with a potential romantic partner after a bunch of dates, when they understand a person’s humor, kindness, and way of being. You might require a slow burn.

Try some apps, and go into first meetings with less of a goal. There’s no need to determine whether someone is worthy of a long partnership, only whether you find them interesting and think they’re good company. If it’s a yes to those questions, see them again. You’ll either get bored or want more.

Wanting more can lead to something great and real, even if it doesn’t align with a list of perfect mate attributes.

Last thought: “rarely” being attracted to people does mean it happens. It’s OK if attraction isn’t a regular occurence. Enjoy it that much more when the stars align.

– Meredith