I’m His First Kiss

Wednesday | March 2, 2016

Love Letters Dating

I’m His First Kiss

Hi Meredith,

I am dating a great guy. He is super kind, intelligent, handsome, and gives me butterflies when I think of him. We went on a few dates and both started a little slow (he’s definitely a bit shy, but we always end up talking non-stop and really enjoying each other’s company). I really see a lot of potential.

So what’s the catch? When he first kissed me I could feel he was shaking a little. I asked if he was OK and he told me he’s never kissed anyone before. He’s 28 years old and I’m 32 so this was a huge surprise to me – not to mention I can’t imagine how other women haven’t seen what a catch he is. It’s not that I’m looking to run out the door, or that it has changed how I see him – after all, everything I liked about him in the first place is still true. However, I’m at a point where I know exactly what I need from a partner and am aware of the parts of myself I need to work at in order to be happily coupled. And I’ve learned all these things from ridiculously extensive dating experience and several long-term relationships.

I worry that maybe his lack of experience could mean that he doesn’t know himself well enough to know what he wants and needs. Plus, he says he is really falling for me, but how can I trust that’s not just because he’s so psyched to be making out with someone? And then I imagine, best-case-scenario, we fall in love and get married and then this poor guy is married to the one and only person he ever kissed. Won’t he be wondering what it would have been like to be with other people? I’m committed to seeing where things go, but my question is: How can I talk to him about these doubts and find out a little more about why he’s never been with someone without hurting his feelings? I imagine it must have been pretty hard for him to admit to me that he’s never even kissed someone – and every time I try to think of what to say, I worry that it comes across as judgmental, when really my motive is to get to know him better and understand where he is coming from. Or should I just not ask him about it at all and see what happens?

– Dating a First-Timer

It sounds like he shared this information without shame, which means he’s willing to talk about it. By telling you the truth, he opened himself up to questions, so don’t be afraid to ask for more information.

Just make sure you watch your tone. Stick to the language you used in your letter, which frames his inexperience in the most positive light. You say you don’t understand how a catch like him could have have avoided being kissed. That’s a great, flattering way to start the conversation.

He’s not going to be able to assure you that no matter what, he knows what he wants. But he can tell you how he feels. That should be enough to keep this relationship moving.

– Meredith

Readers? Is there any chance this guy knows what he wants? Should anyone wind up with their first kiss?

Sex 🖤 Dating

Featured Comment

As a person still dating my first kiss, I want to say that just because this is his first kiss doesn’t mean he has never loved before, or never wanted to kiss someone. He may know what he wants after all, especially at age 28. He sure seems to want you! I’d say give the guy a chance. Just because it’s his first time doesn’t mean his feelings, sincerity, or desire to be a good partner are any less real. As for getting over your doubts, I agree with Meredith’s suggestion that you open a conversation with him via compliment.

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