A.

Oh, my friend, you are just like the rest of us. Or many of us, at the very least.

Something joyful happens and we think, “How can I keep this? What if I can’t? Is there something I can do to prepare myself for loss and pain?” 

Perhaps an evolutionary biologist would tell us it’s human nature to prepare for possible grief (I have no idea if that’s true). All I can say is that often, when I panic, it’s because I’m experiencing something great. It’s as if everything everything good … is too good to be true.

My advice is to trust the evidence. This woman keeps showing up for you, and she also sees you for who you are. That means the relationship is ongoing, yes?

Also know that if things change – if she decides to say goodbye, or you decide you’re sick of her (believe it or not, that’s possible) – you can be resilient. You have community, an expertise you love, and an understanding of yourself that will help you bounce back.

If these thoughts become so intrusive that they prevent you from enjoying what’s in front of you, please talk to a professional about them. But know that some level of “I’m freaked out because this is amazing”-panic is part of the process.

Enjoying a happy moment takes practice, by the way. I work on it all the time. I spent many years thinking, “Prepare yourself; this bliss might go away!” Then I got into my mid-40s and thought, “Yeah. Life is like that. Happiness can go away, so I might as well dive into it while it’s here.”

Do that. Dive in. Notice signs, pay attention, and ask questions, but let yourself smile during the good parts.

– Meredith

Readers? How do you enjoy a relationship without guessing what might be going wrong? How do you relax in happy moments? Did you know what software-as-a-service was? I had to google it.

Is there something on your mind about a relationship in your life? Or a relationship you wish you had in your life? Send your own question. Help others wondering the same thing. Use the form – or email [email protected].