I began dating someone who seemed too good to be true. Let’s call him Vic. I felt as though we met each other at the perfect time. I had come out of a long-term relationship, and playing the field was getting tired. Little did I know, Vic was still living with his ex (or someone he claims was his ex) for the first part of our relationship. He initially told me other excuses about why he would never have me over. The lies were so detailed that it turned into a game. I consider myself resourceful and feel as though I can get a solid read on most people early on. That being said, I was smitten with him. I cared so much about this person that I was blinded by everything he said.

We had the best time together. I finally felt free and could be myself. I truly felt love for him, and that is not something I take lightly. I have made an effort to stop “prying” about Vic’s past and asking him leading questions when I know I will not get the whole truth. That helps no one feel better, and frankly I do not know if he is capable of being completely transparent. I have been trying to focus on the good in the present and the positive energy we offer one another. We want to make each other better people. The problem lies in the fact that with all the detailed lying, he was living a double/triple life the first several months of our relationship. We would go away together, he would sleep at my place, we would have a blast, but in the back of my head I knew the truth. He said they were still only living together at the end because of logistics.

Do you think I will ever be able to trust him? Even when he says he is just going out for drinks with his friends or family, or has a late-night meeting for work, my mind wanders. I’ve never been this needy with a man and don’t want a life full of disappointments, detective work, and the unknown. Will things ever be as “real” as I once naively thought they were months ago? Or is this just going to end in heartbreak when one of us decides that the fabrications at the beginning of the relationship were too much? I love him but am still afraid of his acting skills and his desire to get his way and not hurt people. It’s ironic because in his effort not to hurt people, he turned my entire life upside down.

– Stay put or put it to the curb