If I'm dating on apps, should I expect to be ghosted?

Wednesday | March 20, 2024

Love Letters Dating

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If I’m dating on apps, should I expect to be ghosted?

Need relationship advice? Get some. Send a letter to [email protected] or use the anonymous form.

Hello Meredith,

I met a guy on a dating site. We’re both in our early 30s. We met up three times.

Over the past two weeks he would text me, and we would meet up. He would tell me, “I’m really into you.”

Last week, he said he would plan our next date. But this week I didn’t hear from him. I sent him a text – and no response.

I noticed this is common for me on dating apps. I’ll talk to guys. They want to plan. Then poof: nothing.

I feel disappointment. Does this just happen on dating apps? I would have appreciated a text that said we are not a match.

Sincerely,

– Ghosted

“Does this just happen on dating apps?”

Yes. All the time. There’s bad behavior everywhere, which is an absolute bummer.

Some of these ghosts wind up turning into zombies – meaning they show up every few months to like a social media post, without ever having said a proper goodbye in the first place.

Please know that while these frustrating experiences are common, they are not inevitable. Some people do show up to say goodbye. They behave like grownups, excusing themselves from the relationship. At the very least, they respond to a message that asks, “Hey, what happened?”

I wish I could tell you how to boost your spirits after a bad experience like this one. All I can say is that there are many other people on these apps who wish they could meet someone who communicates.

Ghosters out there, it takes five minutes to say, “Hey, thanks for your time, but I want to tell you I’m going to move on. I hope we both meet great people.”

Steal that line! If there has been any talk about future plans (even a discussion of Date 2 on Date 1), make it clear it’s not going to happen. Please.

– Meredith

Readers? How do you reboot after being ghosted? Are there people who don’t mind that behavior?

Dating Dating fatigue Ghosted

Featured Comment

“Ghosting sucks, especially when you think things may have been going well, and it is unfortunate when you can’t get that closure, but it happens. And it happens a lot. At least you only went on a few dates, and you reached out. His non-answer is your answer. Time to move on to someone who will value your time, as many ghosters as there are, there are plenty of people who will be communicative as well. The zombies Meredith mentioned are actually the worst, especially if they show up again when you have not started dating anyone new, as it might get you into a bad pattern if you think maybe they will ‘change’ this time. Good luck on the next one!”

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