Hi Meredith,

I met a guy about a year and a half ago. We began to talk and went on a couple of dates. I felt a very good friend connection with him from the beginning, plus we were very attracted to each other. I was open with him and told him I was looking for something serious. He was very open with me and told me he is the type to leave his phone behind and not communicate – sometimes for 24 hours at a time, which I was not thrilled with.

He has many groups of friends and keeps a busy schedule, so finding time to spend together was a challenge. He was very respectful of my feelings and was concerned that he was not going to be the type of person I needed. We parted ways, agreeing that we liked each other a lot but I was going to get hurt and not be satisfied with what he could provide.

Skip to a year later, this past fall. He texted me out of the blue. It stirred up a lot of the feelings again. We instantly went back to where we left off a year ago. I had grown in my ability to control my anxiety and emotions. We started dating again, and he was still poor at communicating in a timely fashion, but I tried to be more understanding and not get anxious about it. We had a hard time making plans, though, and I got tired of not knowing when I would be seeing him, so it ended for the second time.

But surprise, surprise – I’m talking to him again. I like him because he’ll call me if I’m upset. Most guys avoid that at all costs. He tries to understand me and has encouraged me not to apologize for who I am or what I feel. He makes me feel understood and very special … when he’s available. I don’t want to let him go. I feel that if we actually got to spend time together, it would be an amazingly good fit. On the other hand, I can’t change the way he is. Do you think I should cut it off even though my gut tells me not to? If not, how do I cope with the way he is?

– Deja vu all over again