I Want To Spend Time With His Daughter

Tuesday | November 17, 2015

Love Letters Dating

I Want To Spend Time With His Daughter

Dear Meredith,

I’ve had relationships with many men who were emotionally (and in one case physically) abusive, but I have finally found a man I love. We have now been together for seven months. The biggest challenge we face is his 10-year-old daughter. I have never dated anyone with a child over the age of five before, and I am his first relationship since he and his daughter’s mother broke up.

He recently began an apprenticeship that requires time outside of work. Due to his new schedule, he is spending less time with his daughter. His ex (who has had another relationship and is pregnant) also limits the time he has with his daughter, and because of all of this, I haven’t spent any time with her. He is very hesitant to go to court or even try to change the situation on his own. At times I feel as if I care more for his relationship with his daughter than he does. I give many suggestions to help, but he hasn’t tried anything. I love him and want to know his daughter because she’s a part of him. I am just beyond frustrated at this point and totally at a loss at what to do.

– His daughter

“I love him and want to know his daughter because she’s a part of him.”

Yeah … that might take some time. His situation is complicated, so you’re going to have to be patient. Instead of freaking out about when you’ll be able to bond with the daughter, focus on your boyfriend. You’re still getting to know him.

Also understand that if he has limited time with his child, you can’t squeeze yourself into the equation. He needs to use that quality time for his own relationship with his kid. Respect that space.

Something tells me that this letter is really about wanting to take next steps in your relationship. It sounds like you want to be a more significant part of his life, and that getting closer to his daughter will make you feel like a part of his family. It’s an understandable desire, but you’re going to have to compromise on pace. Talk to your boyfriend about how he sees his relationships evolving over time. It’s possible he has a plan.

Readers? Is she upset that he isn’t trying to see more of his daughter or is this about the letter writer’s need to be a bigger part of his life? What’s her role here?

– Meredith

Family 🖤 Dating

Featured Comment

Sometimes a parent backs off because the fight becomes more stressful for the child. Try not to make judgments about why he doesn’t pursue a relationship more aggressively.

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