The answer is to talk – and maybe make things a bit uncomfortable.

The thing is, it’s already uncomfortable for you. You’re wondering whether you can plan a future with this woman, but she’s not interested in looking months (or years) ahead.

You’ll have to spread that discomfort around before you come to any conclusions.

Maybe it won’t be so bad. You could say, “Hey, I know you don’t think about the future much, but I wish we lived together. Is that something you’d consider?”

That seems like the next big step – cohabitation. As you approach a year and a half together, it seems fair to ask, “Do you ever think about it? Wish for it?”

I understand and appreciate people who live in the joy of the present. They help balance the many others who are stuck in the past or worried about the future. 

One thing I hope these present-dwellers can recognize, though, is when a relationship is good enough to preserve. That’s what your girlfriend might be able to see – that what you have is special, so the plan is to keep it going.

By the way, if she says it’s too early to know about living together and marriage, that might be a very honest answer – and a fair one. Seventeen months is more than a year, but it’s also a blip. The next six months or so might be a period of discovery and patience.

– Meredith

Readers? Is it easier to make decisions about cohabitation and marriage within a year or so in your 60s? What is a reasonable timeline for next steps? How do you talk about the future with someone who lives in the present?

Have something on your mind about relationships or friendships? Send your own letter to [email protected] or, even easier, do it here.