I want love with passion. Where is it?

Friday | March 29, 2024

Love Letters Dating

I want love with passion. Where is it?

Need relationship advice? I’m reading letters this weekend. Tell me everything.

Send a letter to [email protected] or use the anonymous form.

I listen to your podcast and thought you might have some advice.

I’m 23 years old and I am really struggling to find someone I really like. I’ve only had one long-term relationship with a guy I didn’t like romantically. He was more of a friend, and actually, two years after our breakup he still is a close friend. But I never felt anything more.

I have liked guys a lot! There have been two guys I seriously crushed on. I saw them and forgot my name. The last guy was nine months ago and I still black out just thinking about him. So it’s not that I can’t feel these feelings. It’s just that the guys I have liked are always unavailable (either taken or forbidden in some way).

There are guys who are interested in me sometimes, but they are never the type of person I am looking for in my life right now. I want to be burned by desire and have fun, and not talk about anything serious or important. I am always the mature one and the hard worker and overthinker. I have had the ” we love each other to death relationship.” Now I want to live my life a bit more, and just be with the people it feels addictive to be close to. I don’t care if it will lead to a relationship at this point in my life. And the guys I have felt this way for always like me too. But they don’t do anything (either because they don’t like me enough, because they are usually taken, or maybe because I am less approachable because I care so much …who knows?).

This is my problem. The guys I like exist, I know who they are, how and where they are, they also always have interest in me, but it never becomes anything. And every day another guy I’m not interested in asks me out. What’s going on?

Anyway, in conclusion, what would you advise me to do in order to change the type of guys I interact with romantically to match my values a bit more as a person, so that I like them more?

I love your podcast and I feel sooo seen when you share Meredith’s personal experiences with dating.

– Looking for romance

LOL (to Meredith’s personal experiences with dating). I do share stories. I don’t have any that match this letter.

That said, I do have some thoughts about this issue. I think that dating apps and trips can be good for intense, wild, and short romances.

On a dating app, you can swipe on the person whose photos make you drool. It doesn’t have to be about shared interests or big life plans. You can find the people who are clear they want passion now.

The trip thing is even better for this. Want to know why people often have big memories about romances they had at summer camp – specifically sleep-away camp? Because they were away from reality for weeks at a time. Because they got to show up as a brand new version of themselves. Because everyone was on borrowed time; as soon as camp starts, there’s a countdown clock to the end. (I never went to sleepaway camp, but when friends came home, there were lots of tears – sometimes about great loves.)

Yes, we’ve had two podcast episodes where adult people tell stories about their camp romances. (One former camp couple finds each other later in life!)

There are trips that can recreate this experience. Tours that last for days or weeks. Music festivals. My guess is that if you’re trapped in a space where there are a bunch of people your age – and no other distractions – you’ll feel some wild feelings and find love, even if it’s temporary. Just be safe while you do it. And yes, I know this requires money, but … maybe there are some volunteer trips that come with sponsorship.

One last thing: sometimes it takes some warmup before hanging out with someone feels addictive. (I don’t love that word. It doesn’t sound healthy. But I know you’ve used it for a reason.) It’s not always lust at first site. Pay attention to who sparks some interest and see what grows.

– Meredith

Readers? Ideas for finding passionate romances at this age – when you give off serious vibes?

Send your own letter to [email protected] or use the anonymous form.

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Featured Comment

“I think the dating world and actual world environment is far too dangerous for the suggested passionate flings with strangers while on tours, trips, vacations, cruises, festivals, etc. Your problem is more about the continued frustration of window shopping out of your (superficial) league. You should focus on solidifying a great career and you will eventually meet a man in that field and find happiness.”

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