“I’ll never keep her from happiness.”

Are you sure? Because it sounds like you’re basically saying, “I want her to stay with me – or wait for me – until I’m ready for a lifetime commitment.” That doesn’t sound wonderful for her.

Be honest about what you can deliver. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. If you want to see her but keep things open, ask her about that kind of relationship. If you want to stay together but see her less, tell her that’s where you are right now. Then ask her if she can be happy with what you’re offering. My guess is the answer will be no, but you never know – she might be open to something more … open. This is about stating your intentions – honestly and transparently – and then giving her the option to accept or walk away.

For the record, I’m not sure you have commitment issues. It sounds like this is more about you not being ready for a serious relationship (which is OK!) but trying to force it. It’s also about your assumption that you know what’s best for your future self. You want this woman to be your wife even though you can’t spend more than a few months with her. How can you be sure you’ll be good for each other in a decade or more? What about focusing on now? You’re still figuring out what kind of life you want, right? It might help to detach yourself from the narrative that she has to be your endgame.

You say you want to find your center. I think that happens when you accept where you are and all the uncertainty that comes with it. You’ll have to stop pushing yourself – and her – to be in a relationship that requires more than you can offer.

Take some time to think about what you want in 2023, not years from now, and talk about it.

– Meredith

Readers? Is this about commitment issues? How do you keep someone around for the future if you’re not ready now?