I Walk On Eggshells Around My Boyfriend

Tuesday | April 5, 2016

Love Letters Dating

I Walk On Eggshells Around My Boyfriend

I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 10 years. We met young, did the long-distance thing in college, moved in together, and are now looking at getting engaged.

I have always been the strong one in the relationship. He acknowledges that he has a problem with his emotions, suffering from what seems like mild depression and self-hate. It’s hard to give him any criticism. If I come home to find that the laundry I had asked him to do a week ago has still not been done, he will be super critical of himself, telling me how stupid he is, and in rare circumstances throwing items around in frustration. I’ve told him many times this has scared me, but he insists he would never hurt me. I can feel at times like I’m walking on eggshells, that if I comment about something in the wrong way I could ruin our whole night. But to see my other half in such pain if slowly tearing me apart from the inside.

– What do I do?

You can’t sign up for a lifetime of this. Tell your boyfriend that you want pre-martial counseling. It’s not uncommon for partners to talk about their relationship before they sign up for forever. He might take the request as a criticism (because that’s his thing), but be firm about your needs.

Once you’re sitting with your boyfriend in the presence of a professional, start a discussion about those eggshells. Also bring up some of the good stuff – because it’s important for your boyfriend (and the therapist) to know why you stick around. Ask for tools to make the bad stuff better. Perhaps the professional will advise your boyfriend to seek therapy on his own.

I know you’re reluctant to talk to your boyfriend about this stuff because it might set him off, but that’s the whole problem. Marriage works best when there can be honesty without fear.

– Meredith

Readers? How should she address the issue without making it worse?

Dating Depression

Featured Comment

Occasionally we all have to walk on egg shells around someone. They are getting over a sickness and needs to sleep, they worked a long day and got stuck in traffic on the way home. This happens occasionally when you live with someone. It starts to become disruptive when it turns into a common occurrence. I suggest thinking about your future. If you can’t talk to someone about week-old laundry, how are you going to talk to them about real life troubles?

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