I think my daughter should date someone

Monday | December 23, 2024

Love Letters Dating

I think my daughter should date someone

Hi Meredith,

My 28-year-old daughter lives at home, is very single, an only child, and does not make enough money to support herself. She is a therapist and sees clients one-on-one.

I have suggested she get another part time job since she now works only a few days a week so she’d have more money to travel (she loves that), as well as some additional social contact with eligible people.

I believe she would love to have a significant other, and POSSIBLY have a family someday, but I’m not certain of that. She is a devout feminist. She can be quite negative when speaking of others.

In the past, I have offered to pay for a membership in a higher end dating service (I believe one meets more enticing possible suitors when a fee is involved), but she has asked me not to suggest it again since when I do, it makes her feel badly about herself.

I have respected her wishes on this, but several of her cousins have met their significant others this way. She is aware of that, but I am at a loss as to how to help her meet someone. Do I have options other than just leaving it alone?

– Frustrated Father

Leave it alone – the dating part, not her happiness.

When it comes to her happiness, be a great dad. Be a helper. Be a feminist!

Ask her what her dream life looks like. In a perfect world, would she be in her own cool apartment at 30? Would it have a fantastic bookshelf? Or would she living at home but spending a month or two abroad? Anything goes.

After she answers, tell her you want 2025 to be the year you both help each other get more happiness out of life. Consider your own needs. If you want travel, find more friends, or learn a new skill, let her know. Get vulnerable, and maybe she will, too.

The point is for the two of you to boost each other in the right ways. If she needs more patients, you could give her money to get a great website for her practice.

If more patients would be too taxing (I’m always worried about therapists taking on too many people), maybe the two of you can brainstorm other outlets for her talents. That’s different than “go get another job and find partner.”

You say you don’t know what she wants. Time to find out! Be super honest about all of this. As in, “Sometimes I feel like I suggest the wrong thing – and maybe it’s because we don’t know each other well enough.” You can even apologize for pushing the dating thing. Tell her you didn’t know any better.

She’s at a wonderful age to see you as a grownup who actually cares about her vision for herself. Go hang out with your kid and find out more.

– Meredith

Readers? Is it ever a great idea to push dating on someone, especially your kid? The daughter is 28, not 38 or 48. What’s happening at that age?

Send your own question this holiday season. Your vulnerability is a gift to others. What’s on your mind about money, exes, dating, love, loss, friendship, marriage, etc.? Submit your letter by using the anonymous form, or email [email protected].

Dating

Featured Comment

I think you need to ask yourself why it’s so critically important to you. I bet the lines are becoming blurry in terms of what you want (need?) to see her do in her life, and your own life.

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