People have talked about Love Languages here. I’m not all in on that book at all (and have plenty of criticisms of it), but I do think it’s helped people notice loving actions they might have missed before.

Maybe you’re a better gift giver, but the person you’re dating remembers stories you tell about your childhood. It’s possible another person’s verbal validations are actually quite lovely, but to you, they’re just words. 

You might consider how these people are showing affection and decide whether you could see more value in how they do it.

The other big thing: some people don’t dive in and show love until Date 15. Or 20. If you’re wildly into someone at Date 2, giving them candies and rearranging your schedule, where can things go? That’s a lot of pressure by Date 3.

I get it. I am someone who has brought croissants to an early date because the person mentioned croissants. But it was a meaningless croissant – until later.

At Date 3 or 5, I don’t think we can call it a lack of follow-through. Maybe it’s a slow burn.

It’s also possible this latest person isn’t right for you. One way to find out? Ask how they show affection. One time I took the Love Languages quiz (there are also knockoffs) with someone, mostly as a joke, but then I got to learn all this stuff about them as we talked about it. (One warning: their results did not reflect what I experienced with them in real life.)

You have a ton of love to give, but you want to give it to the right people. If you can save it for when it’s earned, you might see more in return. 

– Meredith

Readers? How do you figure out if your way of showing affection is a good fit for someone and vice versa? How much love and romance can one show on early dates?