I really, really like her. Now what?

Thursday | December 12, 2024

Love Letters Dating

I really, really like her. Now what?

I met someone online recently. We have so much in common, and I think I really like her. We’ve only known each other for a little more than a week, but I love talking to her, video calling, and chatting about our passions.

I’m so nervous. She lives about six hours away, and I won’t even be able to see her in person for a few months. I don’t think I know what to do!

I met my first love in high school and we dated for about five years. The relationship died suddenly and quietly. It tore me up for quite a while. I’ve never dated anyone in my adult life and I’m nervous to mess it up.

Especially long-distance. When do you add a label? Will we still love each other In person? When can I say I love her? I’m not even fully sure those are productive questions to ask honestly. Anyways thanks for listening to my rambling.

– Excited

Let’s take a deep breath and calm down for a second.

You think you really like her, and you’re excited about her, for sure. But you don’t know if she’s for you.

1. See if you can schedule a visit soon. Do not wait a few months. I know logistics are an issue, but maybe you can meet in the middle, or take a day off work to go see her. In-person chemistry is so important. If it doesn’t exist, you’ll want to know sooner than later. Also, expediting this meeting is a great way to make sure she’s interested and honest. If she backs away from an in-person date, say goodbye.

2. Know that you will mess up sometimes – because we all do. Relationships are weird and uncomfortable sometimes. We embarrasses ourselves, have trouble reading the room, and sit with the discomfort that comes with vulnerability. It’s universal and constant, so learn to expect it and shrug.

3. There are no rules about adding a label, saying “I love you,” or anything else. Every relationship has its own path. See point No. 2.

Right now, it’s all about No 1. You don’t know if she’s all she seems, and you need to figure that out before you fall in love with the idea of her. If you really can’t see her for months, please take things slow, get on Zooms and FaceTimes to learn more, and … sorry to bring it up but … don’t give anybody any money. It sort of goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway.

– Meredith

Readers? I know of great relationships that started with distance and excitement. How does one proceed so there’s a chance? How did the bad breakup affect this LW?

Send your own question. I want to hear what’s on your mind about exes, dating, love, loss, frustrations, hopes, friendship, marriage, etc. Use the anonymous form or email [email protected].