I only date younger women. Is that wrong?

Tuesday | January 30, 2024

Love Letters Dating

I only date younger women. Is that wrong?

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Is it wrong to only want to date younger women? I am in my mid 30s and most of my male friends are all married or in long-term relationships. They all want me to be dating more, but I am not interested in dating the women they suggest.

I haven’t made up my mind about whether I want children or not, but either way I have no interest in dating any women over 30, and whenever I am honest about this, I get a lot of backlash.

I have nothing against older women; it’s just that they tend to want to move way more quickly into marriage and then children. I’ve only ever really dated and hung out with younger women, and we just seem to click better. Is it wrong for me to want to pass on older women when friends and family try and set me up, or do I just need to grow up?

– Anonymous

People have preferences. I won’t say yours are wrong. But they’re limiting!

They’re also based on a big generalization. Some 28-year-olds are racing to get married by 30. Some 32-year-olds are like, “Whatever, not now.”

There is no one way to be in your 20s or 30s.

Do whatever you want, but know you’re probably missing out if you refuse to date people your own age. Try a few more dates with peers and think about why the experiences make you uncomfortable. Is it really just the pacing? Or is there a different level of honesty, intimacy, and accountability? Maybe it is the marriage issue. If so, OK.

You can be honest with dates and tell them that despite being in your 30s, you’re not hunting for anything serious, you don’t know if you want kids, and you’re still learning about yourself. If they’re willing to take stay open-minded and feel the same, great.

I think it’s wonderful that your friends want to set you up, but I do wonder if you should avoid that right now. If you’re not thrilled to meet these friends of friends, don’t mess with those relationships. Dating apps give you the chance to learn lessons outside of your community. You can go out with a 25-year-old, then a 35-year-old, and see how every person shows up with different vibes.

Maybe save the friends of friends for when you’re really open. After more time with strangers, you might be very ready to meet people connected to those you love.

Another idea: make more single friends, if you can. Hopefully some will be women – with whom you can have platonic relationships. A bigger group might show you that every person is their own thing.

– Meredith

Readers? Is the letter writer missing out? What does it mean when you don’t want to date people your own age? What might the letter writer try?

Dating fatigue

Featured Comment

“It’s not wrong at all. However, at some point, it will seem a bit creepy. Especially because the greater age gap can sometimes mean that the younger person defers to their older partner.

Also, you are not entirely correct that older women are rushing to have children. There are women who don’t want children at all.

Lastly, at some point the age gap is going to be too much. I have a friend who prefers women in their 20’s and he’s finding that he wants certain things that an older person might prefer and they are still learning about their lives, exploring their options and essentially acting like 20 somethings.

I feel you can ignore your friends. Heck, their meddling in your love life seems like the musical ‘company.”

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