I Never Hang Out With His Friends

Friday | April 8, 2016

Love Letters Dating

I Never Hang Out With His Friends

Hi Meredith,

I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half now. We’re mostly always together during the week, sitting at home or running errands, just enjoying each other’s company. I’ve come to realize, though, that my boyfriend never really invites me out with him. I’ve gone out with his friends about four times since we’ve been together. I feel like he’s embarrassed of me or is hiding something, but I know he would never cheat on me.

In all my other relationships, my boyfriends have always invited me out and wanted me around. It kind of makes me feel like I’m not good enough. If I don’t ask him to hang out on the weekends then we don’t. I’ve brought up the issue multiple times. It’s starting to make me feel bad about myself and makes me feel super insecure. His excuse is always that it’s just the guys, or that he didn’t know people’s girlfriends were going. We recently broke up for a couple weeks. I want this to work, but I don’t know if I can take the feeling of being unwanted any longer.

– Friends

What about your friends? Not once in this letter do you mention your own life and what you like to do when your boyfriend isn’t around. You say that after spending the week in his presence, you want to be included in his weekend plans. But is he interested in your world? Are you? It sounds like you need to focus on quality time with your own circle so you can find some balance.

Also, if you want to make this work with your boyfriend’s friends, you might suggest a more manageable outing. Instead of waiting for him to invite you to a weekend gathering, ask to have dinner with one other couple during the week. Keep it small.

You didn’t give us any details about the temporary breakup, but as you figure this out, I want you to think about why you separated and how you came back together. If you feel bad after a year and a half, why do you stay?

– Meredith

Readers? How often should he be inviting her out with friends? What else is happening here?

Dating Friends

Featured Comment

It doesn’t sound like you two are on the same page regarding your relationship. He hasn’t really integrated you into his life, and it’s not clear if you’ve integrated him into yours. Do you invite him out with your friends? If you’re not seeing him on weekends unless you initiate, this may not be the relationship you think you have.

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