It doesn’t seem like the right time to move in with your boyfriend. You understand why.  

It also sounds like it’s a little early to have conversations about what will happen if you get into a PhD program in California. At two years, some couples are planning a life together. Others are still in a beautiful phase of figuring out what they want. You two sound very close, but also … independent.

There’s no need to ask for confirmation that he’ll move with you. There’s no need to know all of the answers right at this moment.

Perhaps your best bet is to acknowledge the awkwardness that comes with the lack of information. As in, “Hey, I know this PhD application process hints at the possibility of big change. It’s stressful to think about. I do know that I love you, and I hope we can keep figuring out how to move forward together.”

Share what’s on your mind. Then let him talk.

The point is to be able to say, “We don’t know what will happen!” – into the universe – so the two of you can calm down and go back to enjoying your pace.

If you’re applying to programs that start next fall, you have many more months to see where you are as a couple by then.

That’s my advice: say the uncomfortable thing, listen, and then – assuming you’re both waiting for information – let it go until there’s more to consider.

– Meredith

Readers? How do you discuss a possible move? Is it important to know his openness to moving sooner than later? What about living together now to see how it goes?