I have no relationship experience

Wednesday | June 19, 2024

Love Letters Dating

I have no relationship experience

Dear Meredith,

I know that I’m a little young to be writing to you, but I just need some advice about sex and relationships. I’m turning 18 and I have no relationship experience AT ALL. I guess it’s just the hormones that all teens go through, but I just want to be in a relationship.

I’m doing really well in school! My cumulative GPA both weighted and unweighted are both A’s! I’m very proud of myself when it comes to school, just not relationships. I dream of going to New York so I can get that “fresh start” in life.

I do have a male friend who went to the same high school as me and he’s 20 now. We used to talk every day, but due to his family issues, I haven’t spoken to him in two weeks. It’s a platonic relationship, but my concern is that we’ll catch feelings for each other. He still lives in the same state as me. I I think that if I suggested hanging out, he’d say yes.

We haven’t talked about anything related to sex and relationships in the context of each other, but I wouldn’t talk about it over the phone; it would have to be in person.

I know that this was all over the place, but my question is, how should I solve my relationship troubles – and about possibly having feelings for my friend? Also, do you think that I’m desperate?

– Teen With no Experience

Try not to feel like you’re running late to anything. Some people date in high school. Others start much later. I get letters from 32-year-olds with no experience. We’re all on our own schedules.

Worth noting: some people who feel confident about relationships and sexual experience at 18 wish they had a higher weighted and unweighted GPA. You’re doing great! Curious, hopeful, and excited, not desperate.

As for the friend, would it be so bad if you had some romantic feelings for him? Ask if he wants to spend time together in person. Find out if he needs support after dealing with family issues. See how it feels.

Also remember that it’s OK to have a crush and not do anything about it. Your letter makes it sound like he’s the guy who’s around. You might develop feelings for him, but it’s also possible you’ll think, “Eh, I like him, but only because he’s the only person in front of me.”

Then you can pursue it or not. Whatever feels fun, safe, enjoyable, etc.

You want to go elsewhere to see and experience more. It’s OK to hold off on any big choices until you get there.

– Meredith

Readers? Pursue a crush? Get to NYC first? Pep talks about feeling like you don’t have enough experience?

Send your own question about relationships (dating, divorce, breakups, singleness, and friendships) to the anonymous form or email [email protected].

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Featured Comment

“Good on you for prioritizing your grades. A lot of girls/young women focus entirely on men, they forget to consider themselves at all. You consider yourself behind, but you’re definitely ahead in this sense. You say you want to solve your ‘relationship troubles,’ but it’s unclear what the ‘trouble’ is exactly. Do you want to tell this guy your feelings? Is your ‘concern’ that he wouldn’t like you back? Or that he would, but that you want to move away and that would complicate things? Just try and take things one day at a time. It’s ok to have a relationship that only lasts for a little while and still pursue your own goals.”

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