I have a secret admirer
Have an excellent holiday, if you celebrate. If you don’t – or don’t want to – I’m fairly sure this old episode of the podcast includes someone realizing they need to break an engagement on Christmas Eve. From my memory, the Christmas spirit tells her to be single … and it’s a mess.
Anyway, we’ll be back Monday. I will be reading letters – what a time to write down your feelings. Submit yours by using the anonymous form, or email [email protected].
Q.
It has been many months, but I have only recently realized that I have an admirer. I think back and this individual has been trying to get my attention for some time. We are compatible, share many interests, etc.
The individual has made an effort to attract me. However I only very recently learned that that same person is not available. Should I confront the person about this or not?
– My Attention
A.
No. Do not confront.
If they’re not available (and you know that for sure), leave them to their life. Move on with yours. You don’t want to instigate some kind of affair, and they haven’t asked for that.
Instead, look inward. It’s interesting that this other person’s crush has you so … well … interested. It sounds like you’re looking for love, but maybe haven’t started the process … or haven’t much luck.
Take the energy you’ve spent on this admirer and use it to try something new. If you’ve been on one app, opt for another. If you’ve been considering a new hobby in 2025, sign up. Do this for you – because it’s a better use of your time.
Also remember that many of us admire – and are attracted to – a bunch of people throughout our lives. It doesn’t mean we’ll pursue them. There might be flirting. A few feelings of longing. But then we move on (hopefully) to something that can make us happy.
– Meredith
Readers? Would you ever confront an admirer before they confront you? What if they’re coupled?
Send your own question this holiday season. Your vulnerability is a gift to others. What’s on your mind about money, exes, dating, love, loss, friendship, marriage, etc.? Submit your letter by using the anonymous form, or email [email protected].
Be civil. Be kind.
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