I have a crush on someone in my running group

Thursday | May 16, 2024

Love Letters Dating

I have a crush on someone in my running group

Last September, I met someone at my running group. We hit it off quickly and became fast friends.

Within a couple of months, we began texting each other almost daily and seeing each other once or twice a week, sometimes with our friends from our running group and sometimes just us two.

Since then, we have become much closer, and in that process, I have developed feelings for her. Sometimes I get the feeling there is something more there and the feelings are mutual. Other times I wonder if I have been friend-zoned.

I want to tell her how I feel, but I don’t want to make it uncomfortable for our mutual friends or ruin our friendship in the process. What do you think?

– Running

Here’s the thing about “not ruining the friendship.” The relationship is going to have to change no matter what. If you tell this woman you have a crush on her and she backs away, it doesn’t mean you’ve ruined anything. All it means is that the friendship will evolve into something new.

If she’s not open to dating, maybe you shouldn’t be texting daily and anticipating so much time together. If you find out that this is never going to happen, you might save some of your free hours for first dates with others.

There’s a respectful, honest way of saying, “Hey, sometimes I wish these were dates … because I find you very attractive and I see potential for more. What do you think? I can take an honest response.” Then do a sexy little smile, like George Clooney does in that movie where he’s falling in love with Michelle Pfeiffer and they’re both single parents (I know that’s specific, but that’s the confident half-smile to practice).

If she says only sees you as a friend, tell her that’s OK. Say you hope it doesn’t make anything awkward, and that you appreciate honesty – which is part of good friendship.

Maybe the cadence of communication changes, but again, that would be evolution.

It’s possible there will be kissing.

Only one way to find out.

– Meredith

Readers? Easy for me to say that disclosure is best. How have you confessed a crush? How was it received? Did it hurt the friend group?

Send your own question about relationships (dating, divorce, breakups, singleness, and crushes) to the anonymous form or email
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Featured Comment

“With all the time spent together and the texting, neither of you has ever discussed if you are single, single and looking, dating others, past or present relationships? Strange. Maybe you have and you are clear on your feelings and unclear on hers? Many people don’t want to ruin their fantasy by clarifying that the friendship is not going to advance… you want to stay on deck in perpetual twitterpation.”

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