Try to be kind to yourself. I know you feel ashamed about what happened, but it’s over now.

Sometimes people take advantage of kindness. It’s a lesson.

Dating apps do their best to remove bad customers, but they can’t see and know everything. My advice is to use sites/apps that have a reporting system for abusive members. If there’s no place to report a profile, find another platform. (Also, please report the person who scammed you. Protect others.)

The big rule: there’s no reason to give anyone money ever. Why would someone ask a new significant other to invest in a project or support them financially? If they ask for a loan, walk away. 

You’ll never know up front whether someone has good intentions, but pacing can help. If you enjoy the first handful of dates, move on to next steps. Check out the person’s home, meet loved ones, take a trip together, and figure out where this person sits in the world. That’s all you can do – collect evidence until it feels like it all makes sense. 

I would be wary of anyone who’s too excited at the start of things. If someone is talking about big feelings, spending the rest of your lives together, or wanting you like they’ve never wanted anyone before, throw up a flag. It’s easy to be distracted by excitement. 

You want to know what questions to ask so this doesn’t happen again. I wish I could give you a foolproof list. Honestly, the bigger thing is paying attention to the small stuff. You’re not looking for grand gestures, just interest. You want to hear about community – as in, who is in this person’s life now? Do they speak kindly of loved ones and friends? What relationships are they proud of? You should also want to understand their routine. How do they make their coffee in the morning? What do they do after work?

Over time, you can introduce them to your friends/family too. In this case, it might help to get a second opinion.

– Meredith