I Checked His Phone And Twitter Messages

Monday | December 7, 2015

Love Letters Dating

I Checked His Phone And Twitter Messages

I’m not proud of what I am about to say, but I snooped. I have been with my boyfriend for just over a year now, and I started to notice little things — like he was always taking his phone to the bathroom and keeping the screen face down and on silent. One night I watched him put in his passcode, and since then I’ve looked at his phone a couple of times.

What really started all of this was him telling me about his ex-fiancé of seven years still texting and wanting to meet up and get back together. I saw her messages, but my perfect man hardly ever replied. After that I just kept an eye out every now and then, just to see what was going on. I’ve seen that one of his co-workers hits on him all of the time, and I saw that he flirted back. I didn’t like that at all. I also checked his Twitter messages. There was this woman who lives across the country, and he was asking for pics and joking about making babies. But this was a couple of months ago, before our anniversary, which is when it stopped. Was our anniversary when he realized he shouldn’t be behaving this way? Is it too late for us to have our happily ever after like we’ve been planning since we met? Do I need to forgive his bad behavior because he’s been fine since our anniversary? What do I do? I have always seen him as perfect. I’m sure he just wanted an ego boost from these women, but what does it mean?

– HELPP

“My perfect man.” Come on, now. If you really thought this guy was perfect, you wouldn’t have been breaking into his phone like a spy. Even though he was honest about his communication with his ex, you suspected that you weren’t getting the full story.

You won’t like this advice, but you must tell your boyfriend that you snooped – because there’s no other way to have an honest conversation about the state of your relationship. He should know that you’ve been the kind of partner who checks up on him without permission. Meanwhile, you should be able to ask why he’s making jokes about procreating with some woman who isn’t you. It’s important to talk about how you got to this point – and he needs to know that it’s time to change his passwords.

It’s not too late to share some kind of future with this man (please stop calling it a happily ever after), but you won’t be on that path unless you both come clean. Tell him what you did – sooner than later.

Readers? Should they continue dating? Does the letter writer have to tell him about the snooping?

– Meredith

Dating Cheating