I have been dating this guy I met online for six months. We’re very different in that he is very conservative and traditional, and I am very liberal and open minded, yet we get along very well and seem to be able to respect and appreciate each other. My feelings for him grow every time we are together. He tells me he cares about me, he listens and remembers things we talk about, we talk every day, and as of past three months or so he spends three to four nights a week at my place. We’ve made it clear that we’re exclusive, but the problem is that he refuses to make it official and call me his girlfriend. He goes from telling me how much he likes me, how we’re building a relationship, to saying things like “but you’re not my girlfriend, we’re friends and getting to know each other” – all in the same sentence, while we’re cuddling.

To give you some background, he was in a long-term relationship that ended tragically about two years ago. It was a serious relationship; they were in love and he was ready to propose. From our conversations, I really think that this is a big part of why he’s so hesitant to make it official. He hasn’t explicitly said that, but he mentions her a lot. He has even said “my girl” instead of “my ex” sometimes. His stories about their relationship and their time together have showed me how intense and strong their bond was. He’s still VERY close and involved with her family. Since the end of that relationship, he’s talked to two other girls, but those experiences ended badly and made him very distrustful. I would be his first girlfriend since then. When he talks to me about his ex, I am torn between feeling heartbroken and sad for their story, and also feeling weird about the whole situation.

I don’t even know if he’s really ready for a relationship. I’m not sure two years is long enough. What I do know is that I hate when he says I’m not his girlfriend and when he refers to me as his “friend.” I am being patient because of his story, but I don’t know if I can do this for much longer. I need some advice on what my expectations should be. Is it unrealistic to expect to be in a relationship with him? Do I need to just be more patient and relax and let things run their course? I’m already so deep in this. I’m terrified of letting myself fall for him even more just to end up heartbroken in the end with nothing to show for it.

– Waiting For What?