How often do you call/text in a long-distance relationship?

Monday | March 16, 2026

Love Letters Dating

How often do you call/text in a long-distance relationship?

Is there something on your mind about a relationship in your life? Or a relationship you wish you had in your life? Send your own question. Help others wondering the same thing. Use the form – or email [email protected].

Is waiting for someone to change just settling?

I a 23-year-old woman and have been with my partner (22-year-old man) for a little less than a year now, and he’s never been good at communicating.

In fact, he’s notorious for being an awful communicator, and I was warned of this when our mutual friend introduced us.

We met in undergrad and graduated about a month and half into our relationship (though we’d been getting to know each other for a few months prior to making things official). We went long-distance in August because I moved here for grad school and he’s still in the state we went to college in.

Communication is kind of a big deal during long-distance (to me, at least) and he hasn’t really adjusted his texting and calling habits to long-distance. I have told him that I need him to call or text more because calling once a day – at night when he’s tired and doesn’t want to talk – wasn’t cutting it, and although he has improved a bit, I still don’t feel like he’s matching my level of effort.

I just want him to WANT to respond to my texts and not just call once or twice a day and talk for a few minutes when it’s most convenient for him. Should I wait for him to change (can he?) or is expecting change that might not ever come just settling?

– Communicating

He’s going to change, but I can’t tell you how.

He’s 22, which means his actual brain is still developing, as is yours. He might realize he’s a guy who wants to texts even less. He might decide he wants to text all day, and maybe you’ll decide that’s too much.

My advice: prioritize yourself and your own brain. You can’t force him to want to communicate, but you can ask yourself, “What is best for me, at 23, now that I’m in grad school? How do I want to spend my time?”

The answer might be that you don’t want to have to call anyone, ask for attention, or think about a faraway person. That would make sense.

Settling doesn’t even factor into this. It’s about whether he fits into your life and makes you happy.

It doesn’t sound like the status quo is working for you, based on this letter. Maybe you can break up as friends, give each other some good space, and see how things feel over the summer.

One last thought: you use the word “partner” to describe this man. It’s a nice word because it can mean so many things, but it might help to think of this man as a boyfriend or significant other.

He’s not a partner in your life at all. Call him what he is and it might be easier to make decisions about what to do next.

– Meredith

Readers? Do people say partner too soon – and does that word suggest something more serious? Does settling even factor into this letter? Is checking in once a day enough in a long-distance relationship? Does time of day matter? What expectations are reasonable?

College 🖤 Dating Distance

Featured Comment

You know that an LDR requires even more intention around communication to keep things going. If you’re waiting for him to be different, then you’re just in a relationship with potential, which is not real.

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