How Is He So Sure About Me?

Thursday | December 10, 2020

Love Letters Dating

How Is He So Sure About Me?

Submit your relationship and dating questions to [email protected] or fill out this form. We chat at 1. If you’re a former letter writer who wants to give us an update (we like to know how it all worked out), email [email protected] with “update” in the subject line.

I am a 31-year-old single mother and I recently entered into a relationship with a man who’s 29. I’ve known him a little less than a year We met at work and there was an instant intense connection. I was in a relationship when I met this man, so I didn’t act on my feelings for him. We did, however, become good friends, though we didn’t spend a lot of time together outside of work for obvious reasons. My previous relationship ended about six months ago; oddly enough it wasn’t that emotional of a breakup. We both knew it was over and chose to go our separate ways. I also stopped working at my job due to COVID and my son’s school going virtual.

The man that I met at work and I started talking more often about two months ago. We have also spent some time together; we went on hikes and have had dinner a few times. He informed me that he has been head-over-heels for me since we met. I’ve known that I too have had strong feelings for him since I met him. We decided to start dating officially and it has been going really well. We seem to have similar values, morals, and overall goals in life. Since we’ve been dating, we have been very open with each other about our feelings, expressing how connected and understood we both feel with each other. Last night he told me that he is going to marry me one day and that he is going to do what it takes to convince me, said jokingly.

My question is, is it possible for him to know that he wants to marry me so soon? I can honestly see us having a future together and am happy that he told me this, but my hang-up is that this seems to be moving very fast for such a young relationship. I’ve always wanted to be swept off my feet – what person doesn’t – and this definitely feels like that, but how do you know if real? I do have some trust issues due to my past and I know my doubt is caused by that. I trust this man and believe that he is being honest. I just don’t want to fall into this and end up getting hurt. I apologize for the somewhat confusing summary. It’s difficult to put everything into words.

– Tentative

So many people here will tell you that they just knew about their partners pretty early on. Others will tell you it took time for the love to grow. There is no standard pace for this kind of thing. All I’ll say is that it’s possible to have goals like love and marriage and to see them through, even after the excitement of a new relationship wears off. It could also be that he’s ready. He might have new priorities.

If those big words about commitment and future stress you out or make you worry about what’s real, let him know you find it more romantic when he talks to you about now – about what it’s like to engage with you in the present. Tell him you don’t want to miss out on all of the good stuff that comes with being a new together. A future is on the table, of course, but why not talk about life after vaccines? Vacations you’ll take together? What it’s been like to get to know each other?

My point is that it’s very possible this will be forever, and that the connection that led up to this relationship makes him confident for legitimate reasons. Still, it’s OK to focus on today and to ask him to join you. He can keep sweeping you off your feet one week at a time.

– Meredith

Readers? Is this real?

Dating

Featured Comment

I met my now-husband at work. At three months into our relationship, he told me we were going to get married. Being a single mom, I was incredibly hesitant when he said that (especially since the only time he met my son is when I brought him into the office since his daycare lost power). We waited until after two years of dating to get engaged and had a two-year engagement. No need to rush, but if he loves you and your child/ren, let him.

zebra-stripes Share Thoughts