How do I introduce myself in person?

Thursday | April 25, 2024

Love Letters Dating

How do I introduce myself in person?

Send your relationship thoughts and confusions to [email protected] or use the anonymous form. It helps others. Even the young people, like today’s letter writer.

I need help trying to navigate the dating scene in college. I’m an undergrad guy in the later end of my college career, and so far have struggled to meet people organically in person. I’ve dated my fair share and have had two relationships, and dated a number of other people, but all of my romantic experiences so far except for my first relationship from high school have been from the dating apps.

The apps can wear you down after using them for a long time, and I’d like to meet someone in a more natural way in person. The problem is I’ve had trouble finding opportunities to introduce myself and get conversation started. I’m not big into partying or drinking, and my type traditionally hasn’t been big into that either, and my school is quite introverted and work-focused, with not many school activities or spirit. The times I meet women I might be interested in or are attracted to, they have headphones on at the gym, are on a crowded T-station, in passing on the sidewalk, or are among a group of friends in a coffee shop. So not good opportunities to approach them and start a conversation and connect.

How should I change my approach and start meeting the kinds of women I’m interested in when the the current dating scene has everyone meeting potential partners online or at parties?

– Introducing Myself in College

First – and this is a message for anyone who needs it – let’s redefine how we think of dating apps.

Fifteen years ago, I would have said apps (or websites) weren’t “organic” – and that even when the internet brought great people together, it wouldn’t be described as meeting in real life.

But in 2024, it is real life. It’s how people meet. It is organic. An app is another version of a club or party, where 99 percent of the people in the room are wrong for you, but one might be right, even for a little while.

This is especially true now because we (and by that I mean you) spent at least two significant years in a world that was partly open. When I was in college and in the years after, I was surrounded by people in dorm rooms, and then in an office. You have not been surrounded in the same way. None of us have.

I see signs in my neighborhood asking thirty-somethings to join up for outdoor picnics so those people can find each other and become friends. Our social lives shifted so radically that online connections became that much more important. We’re still trying to get redefine how to connect on a random street.

That means my first piece of advice is to consider apps a real possibility for strong, intense human connection. Yes, they’re tiring, but so is partying every night. Use the apps for short periods. Take breaks.

How do you introduce yourself when you do meet someone in person? You say, “I’m Steve.” (I just named you Steve, which I hope is not your actual name.) And then the other person says their name, probably awkwardly. Then maybe you laugh about the awkwardness. Or not. Remember, there are a lot of people like you. Most people aren’t good at this.

It does help to be doing an activity – because then you can talk about that thing. Try to find communities and events outside of your school. If there are any other colleges in your town, they might have more appropriate events. Libraries can be great for this. Museums have college nights. Bring a friend. People should be without AirPods that night.

This happens to be today, if you live around here.

– Meredith

Readers? Thoughts on being more social off apps? Send your own letter to [email protected] or use the anonymous form.

College 🖤 Dating Dating fatigue

Featured Comment

“You’ve certainly had better success with dating at your age than I did. You’ve met a variety of people, starting in high school. I didn’t have one date in high school. No proms. Nada. The first boyfriend I ever had I met as a freshman in college. We were together all 4 years. He was my first love and all the wonderful things that go along with that, but I really wish I had experienced other people. Dating allows us to learn more about ourselves and what we’re looking for in a romantic partner. I missed out.

Apps connect us to real people. What’s not organic about that? I met my husband, the love of my life, on Match 22 years ago. With letters like yours about app fatigue, I relate it to shopping. When we’re looking for something that we really want, we make the effort to find it. We do our research, we put in the time and we’re motivated to find what we know will make us happy. Not many things are better than a sale IMO, and when I was using apps, I felt like it was a sale on people. I looked forward to searching-no joke. I’ve always been excited about the thrill of the hunt…be it for the perfect red lipstick, jeans or…yes, true love, and boy did I hit the jackpot.

The most important thing is that no matter how you meet people, be certain in the knowledge that you have a lot to offer. You need to value yourself, your worth, and truly believe that there are people all around you that want to know who you are, and get to know you. Let them do that by simply saying hi.”

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