How do I increase my chances of meeting someone?

Wednesday | February 7, 2024

Love Letters Dating

How do I increase my chances of meeting someone?

What’s been on your mind about your single/dating/married experiences? Ask anything. It helps others who have similar questions.

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Dear Meredith,

I am a 25-year-old woman. I’m a true romantic and hope to one day meet the love of my life, get married, and start a family. I’ve dated lots of guys since college and have also had long stretches of being single. The longest relationship I’ve had lasted six months, which was during my sophomore year of college.

After college, I moved to an East Coast city where I dated a bunch, and had lots of fun meeting different people. I dated one of these guys for just under three months but ended things because I decided I didn’t like him all that much. I was also really turned off because he felt threatened by my intelligence and the fact that I was heading to a top law school.

I have since started law school and am really busy. I didn’t really date or get out much during my first year of law school. During my second year, I dated one guy for about two months. He wasn’t very fun and was really cheap. If I’m honest, none of the guys I’ve dated have really made me laugh, and humor is important to me.

It is really tough dating while in law school because I don’t have that much time to go out on the town and meet people. I want to make the most of the opportunities I have in law school, so that is my priority. That being said, this next year before graduation is more relaxed, and I would like to date. I miss the days before school when I’d go out to a bar or event and meet someone new. It’s always fun and makes for a good story.

I’m increasingly worried that I won’t meet a guy who lives up to my expectations. I’m smart and successful, and find it is tough meeting guys who are not intimidated by that (especially when they hear where I go to school). Not to toot my own horn, but I’m also kind, supportive, and thoughtful. I think I have a lot to offer a future partner and a lot of love to give. I’ve done a lot of work on myself in therapy and a lot of reflection over the years.

Basically my question is, when am I going to meet a great guy who I’m compatible? Where is this man? Do you have any tips for how to increase my chances of meeting someone? Do you think this is just a matter of waiting for guys my age to grow up and mature in a few years?

– Lost in Love

Try to be patient.

There are a lot of potential partners out there who are mature, respectful, excited to date a smart person, and funny. You haven’t had a much time to find them because you’re in law school. That makes sense!

At 25, you’re building a life, working hard to get a career going, finding new friends (I assume), and dating. The more you’ve got going on, the less time you have for any one thing.

In some ways, being single has been a gift. Imagine being wildly in love with someone you met a year ago. That magic would have taken your attention from school and getting to know yourself.

You say you want to date this year, so do that. Have experiences and see who’s out there, but don’t put pressure on yourself to find a long-term partner. Also, take some of that extra time to enjoy your city (or wherever law school is). Find that laughter at a comedy show. Take a class that has nothing to do with law. You’ll have fun … and maybe meet people who like the same things.

I think it’s easier to be ambitious in law school than with dating – and that seems relevant. I think I used to date like a reporter/writer; I asked a ton of questions, found every “source” interesting, but wasn’t thinking about chemistry and love. Maybe you’re doing this like a lawyer – searching for the exact information that will get you the result you want.

Dating doesn’t work like that. There is no right answer to this. You just have to live your life, meet people, and see what happens next.

– Meredith

Readers? Advice for someone looking for more? Does law school influence how this LW thinks about dating?

College 🖤 Dating Dating fatigue

Featured Comment

“I was in a similar spot when I was in my early 20s, except instead of law school I was very focused on getting my CPA and working a million hours a week for an accounting firm. I had to focus on that part of my life at the time which left no time for dating. And I hated it; I didn’t feel like I was getting to experience such an important part of life. Once I got my CPA and a better job, I finally had time to date again, but I too did wonder sometimes if some guys felt intimidated by my professional success. Once I hit my early 30’s however, I met the love of my life who was in no way intimidated by me. So my advice is to be patient. Go out there and get your professional success, and someone will be out there for you.”

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