His girlfriend won’t move out
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Q.
So my colleague and I started falling for each other at work because we are in the same group at the office. It has gotten more serious – we go to lunch everyday, kiss, and there is major flirting. We make goodnight phone calls.
The problem is his relationship status. He has asked his girlfriend to leave his apartment but says she refuses to leave, even after he’s asked several times.
I told him we will not be fooling around until she is gone. I told him the relationship can’t go to a next level if she does not leave. Now it’s at a standstill.
Any advice? All my friends are concerned about me cause he has a live-in girlfriend already.
– Concerned
A.
You did the right thing by calling it off until he’s in a dateable place. Now you have to decide whether you want to wait. My vote would be no.
It’s nice to find someone you want to call and kiss, but you’re not interested in an affair, and you want to date someone who’s free to spend time with you. You call this other woman a girlfriend, as opposed to an ex. She is very much in his life.
I think you’re asking what you can do to push him toward making a decision about his home life. The answer is: nothing. If he’s not motivated to address the conflict/his relationship status, you can’t help. He’ll either make himself single or not.
Also, he might not be the best potential partner after his relationship is over. He might need to be casual with people before he commits again. I know you have big feelings right now, but try to focus on the reality. You’re falling for him because you’ve worked around his choices. Pay attention, because he can’t match your love and commitment just yet.
You’ve told him what’s required here. Now all you can do is live your life and take space. Stop the calls at night. Proceed as if the girlfriend will be there for a long time.
Because the status quo hasn’t changed. Until it does, see what else is out there.
– Meredith
Readers? Anything to do here? Should the LW wait at all or move on?
Be civil. Be kind.
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