Dear Meredith and Friends,

I have been in a wonderful relationship for almost a year with a man who has been my best friend for over five years. He makes me so happy, and he’s super supportive of all of my life decisions. I am an undergraduate in college, and I am planning on doing my master’s afterwards. Education is a major priority to me and used to be a criteria of someone I would date. However, my boyfriend is not in school and has no interest in pursuing anything. He has a part-time job that he hates and always complains. Whenever I bring up the possibility of college or any type of schooling, or even just pursuing another job, it turns into a fight. Every so often, he’ll bring up some new idea of what he wants to do. Then, if I ask about it in the future, he’ll dismiss it or say he’s looking into something else.

I am worried that I will eventually become bored of our relationship because he is not bringing anything exciting to the table. I love talking about classes, different assignments, friends, and other activities I engage in at school and work. It has all become really one-sided, since the only thing he has going on in his life is his crappy job and our relationship.

I want to make it work, but I can feel myself outgrowing him. He can sense that I am frustrated with him from time to time, and when we talk about it we reach some type of decision that he will try to figure it all out more. But nothing has changed.

Do you have any advice about how I can motivate him more? I know he has to do it himself, but I am worried that this will be a deal-breaker eventually, especially if I get a good job out of college and he’s just working somewhere he hates. If he loved his job, I would not be as worried. It’s just that he hates where he is in life. I really just want to help him be as happy and satisfied about where he is as I am.

Any advice? Or should I just assume he is not going to change and I should give up trying?

– In Search of Motivation