Hi Meredith,

I am 40, have been divorced for more than two years, have two children, and a great relationship with the ex-husband. We have managed to stay friends and successfully co-parent. I have a good job, a very small circle of friends, and in general I’m thankful for the kind of life I have.

My divorce was a long-time-coming situation and I was detached from my then husband for a long time. I’ve been feeling this big emotional gap and crave the kind of connection you have with someone you really love and who really loves you. I want a fulfilling relationship and I am willing to work hard for it.

Last fall I reconnected with an ex-coworker while on a business trip and we both felt strongly attracted to each other (it was never the case while we worked together years ago). We kissed, we said sweet words, and decided to start a long-distance, somewhat complex relationship. He lives 2,000 miles away, has two older kids, and seems overly busy with his life and family commitments. My close relatives all live out of the country, while his are nearby his home.

We are constantly in touch via all the means you can imagine, and we see each other once a month, usually around his schedule. The more I learn about him, the more I like what we have and the stronger my feelings grow.

But I fear that this long-distance arrangement is enough for him and will be enough for him for a long time. And I know I would eventually want and need more. I don’t want to live worrying too much about the future, but I am unable to just “live in the moment.” And I can’t stop thinking that I should probably just walk away, that this is too much trouble, too much risk, and that I am most likely going to fall in love and get hurt. This predicament is not allowing me to fully enjoy the experience and causes me anxiety and sleepless nights.

Any advice is welcome! Be kind, please.

– Why can’t I live in the moment?