He's using me for a vegan education

Tuesday | October 14, 2025

Love Letters Dating

He’s using me for a vegan education

“Bridgerton” fans: write a letter.

What do I do at my advanced but healthy age when my new love isn’t vegan, but trying … by using me to educate and convert him to a progressive plant-based diet and lifestyle, mostly at my expense.

I do love introducing anyone to veganism, as I have been vegan for over 60 years and believe in the rights of animals.

Seems much of our time together is spent with me teaching him about the latest advances in veganism, while over a beautiful nutritious meal, plant-based, of course.

This is not the first time I have been used for this good mission, but I’d like to concentrate on other matters like art, music, and nature, instead of searching vegan recipes and making them while teaching about the nutritious content of “animal-free” superior food.

There are few vegan restaurants in New England, unlike other parts of the US, and the option of finding one open is rare, not to mention who is expected to pay the bill! What to do for a better “quality of life experience” I deserve?

– Vegan

Congrats on being the first letter about being used for a vegan education. Truly, 16 years in, this is a new one for me.

My first thought is a generous one. It’s that this man can see how passionate you are about being vegan. You probably glow when you talk about the lifestyle and what it means to you. Maybe he assumes that if he engages you on the matter, the two of you will get closer. He’ll feel part of your world, and you’ll know he respects your priorities.

That seems possible. I don’t think he’s sitting around, twirling a villainous mustache, thinking, “I’m going to use her for plant-based recipes!”

My second, less-generous take on his motives is that if you’re his vegan tour guide, he gets to be the passenger. You make all the plans, say interesting things, and then pay. Sounds great for him, but after a while, that’s not fun for you at all. You deserved to be entertained – and treated!

Maybe it’s all of the above, by the way.

Regardless, you need to tell him that a) you’d like your relationship to go beyond veggie talk, and b) you’d like more equity when it comes to who makes plans and treats. Have a real conversation, even if it’s uncomfortable.

If you enjoy the relationship, tell him that, too. It’s easier to hear criticism when you also know someone thinks you’re good company.

You called him your “new love.” If that’s how you feel, make sure you explain the big picture.

Also, if you want to send us one recipe, I’d be so happy. I’m not vegan, but I love squash, and it’s the right season for it. I’ll send you a Love Letters treat in return. We like an equal give-and-take here.

– Meredith

Readers? Is this a communication issue? Is this about wanting to show someone you’re enthusiastic about their lifestyle?

Send your own question about friendships, dates, no dates, love, divorce, breakups, and families through the anonymous form – or email [email protected].

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Featured Comment

Next time you go out, don’t work it around a meal. Don’t invite him over to your place and don’t cook for him at his. Suggest you go for a walk/hike from 1 to 5, make it clear you will have had lunch already. … Make it clear you aren’t cooking that day. Or suggest you go out to a concert, museum, or show that doesn’t involve a meal time. Not everything needs to be worked around a meal. Do this as often as you like so you don’t end up constantly cooking for him which it sounds like you do not enjoy.

kwinters1 Share Thoughts