He’s Been Texting His Ex

Tuesday | August 8, 2017

Love Letters Dating

He’s Been Texting His Ex

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and four months, and just a few weeks ago he started hanging out with coworkers from his job. He doesn’t come home until 4 or 6 a.m. when he does this.

About four weeks before this started, I found messages between him and his ex-girlfriend. I discovered that they’ve been in touch the whole time he and I have been together. In some messages, he told her that he loves her and misses her. When I confronted him about what I found, he said he doesn’t know how the messages got back onto his phone because he deleted them. He said he was just trying to be friendly.

I want to believe him but I have this horrible feeling that he’s lying to me. He’s lied to me before; he told me he stopped talking to her a year ago, and that he quit smoking (he didn’t). Also, we see each other less. We talk all day, but when I try to make plans, he often says he’s busy. I don’t know what to think anymore.

– Fed up

Of all the issues in your letter – ex-girlfriend included – the thing that bothers me most is that he doesn’t want to hang out as much. It’s OK that your boyfriend wants to spend time with others – even coworkers at 3 a.m. – but he should look forward to seeing you. You’re supposed feel like some kind of priority.

Really, this is one of those letters that’s basically a list of reasons to break up. You don’t say anything nice about the relationship. You don’t explain why you might stick around.

I’ll assume there are at least a few great things about being with this guy – but it’s important to note that you chose not to share them. That’s because you’re ready to leave.

It’s painful to end a long relationship, but you’ve made it clear that it’s time. Let go – and whenever you doubt yourself, read this letter. It’s a strong case for walking away.

– Meredith

Readers? Is it time to end it?

Dating Texts

Featured Comment

You’ve demonstrated that you don’t trust him by going through his phone and reading his text messages. And you stated that he’s lied to you before. Why would you continue to date somebody that you don’t trust?

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