Dear Meredith,

I have been dating the most wonderful man for more than three years and we get along great. He is kind, funny, thoughtful, generous, handsome, and calm (I had an angry, abusive ex, and calmness is important to me). I feel so lucky to have met him and love him very much.

I am in my later 50s. He is in his mid-60s. I am a single mom and have a teenager. He has two grown children … and he is still married. His wife moved out years ago and they have lived separately ever since.
He has no plans on reuniting with his wife, although he still supports her financially. They have an amicable relationship.

The problem (if there is a problem) is that he is still married. Why? He says he doesn’t see a reason to change how things are now. He says unless I wanted to get married, why bother getting divorced? His wife seems content living separately but married, as well.

However, his children don’t want to meet me. I don’t blame them. Given the situation, I am “the other woman” – although it is clear I was not the reason they separated. That happened before I came along. So I hear about his kids through him and feel somewhat left out of this part of his life. I don’t want to get married. Not now, anyway. I wouldn’t consider that until I was an empty nester.

The other problem is that once a year he goes on vacation for a week with his wife and kids. He has been going to the same place since he was a kid, and I understand this is a family tradition. He shares a room and bed with his wife once a year, given the circumstances of the cottage they rent. Of course he swears nothing happens, and even when they went there before me, nothing ever happened.

I feel that if his grown children (20s) got married and started having kids, I would feel very left out. I am very happy the way things are, but sometimes I wish I could be part of the family.
Am I making a problem where there isn’t one?

– Happy but uncertain