He’s Patient, But I’d Like To Have A Second Kiss

Friday | February 19, 2021

Love Letters Dating

He’s Patient, But I’d Like To Have A Second Kiss

Tell me any and all problems about relationships and being single. And kissing. Or not kissing. Email [email protected] or fill out the form.

Dear Meredith,

This past June, I broke up with my ex of three years. I had moved down to my hometown before the pandemic for a new job, and the stress of long-distance (and a global pandemic) was too much for us. I’ve since been living with my parents and flirting with dating apps in the hopes of meeting someone, but also uncertain about what dating during a pandemic can look like.

In November, I began seeing a nice guy from Bumble. He’s a musician, conversation flows easy, and we’ve gone on six great dates. But in all this time, we’ve attempted a kiss once, and it wasn’t all sparks and fireworks. The awkwardness of taking off masks paired with the need for some sort of verbal agreement made it far from dreamy, and I don’t quite know how to make a next move or even initiate a next kiss. Last week, he told me he was “patient” and liked spending time with me. How do I break the ice? Are there rules for building physical intimacy during a pandemic? I’d like to try to kiss him again, but haven’t been able to get myself to make the first move.

– Twenty-six and trying

You know what’s not always spontaneous and sexy? Most first (or second) kisses experienced during a global pandemic. Welcome to responsible courtship during COVID. It involves discussion and thoughtfulness about how one kiss can affect your entire community. Sometimes it looks a lot like a regency romance novel.

There’s not much you can do about the pace of things until everyone is vaccinated, especially if you both live with parents, roommates, etc. That said, you can talk. You can make plans. Sexy plans.

You negotiated that first kiss, which means the musician is open to talking about how this could work in the future. Will there be kissing after vaccinations? Will there be more? He’s patient, which is great, but what is he looking forward to? You can tell him that you wish it felt easier to connect that way, and even get specific about your desire for anticipation. Talking about plans for later can be very good for fireworks.

Understand, though, that it might take a while for him to feel OK about acting on anything. Maybe that kiss didn’t sit right with him after it happened because he knew you were returning home to a family. Be patient with him. Talk. You can continue to look on those apps while you wait.

– Meredith

Readers? Stories about kiss negotiation during this? How do you assess physical chemistry right now? Can one expect fireworks? Any other dating stories during all of this?

Sex 🖤 COVID and Relationships Dating