He’s On A Break With Someone Else

Thursday | February 18, 2016

Love Letters Dating

He’s On A Break With Someone Else

There’s an easy Love Letters event on Monday. A free after-work cupcakes tasting. (And drinks, of course.) Come and eat with me. Sign-up and bring a friend.

Dear Meredith,

I met someone on an online dating app. We’re both in our mid-20s (if that matters). We’ve been seeing/talking to each other for about three months now. After about a month or so of getting to know each other before things progressed (physically), I wanted to know what was going on with him. He was honest and told me that he was on a break with someone. I let it be, considering I didn’t know him too well and it wasn’t my place to inquire more (even though he said I could ask anything I wanted).

I recently moved away from Boston, which I knew would make it harder for us, so I asked if he wanted to continue to get to know each other, and he said yes. He was eager and also suggested coming to visit me. Fast forward to now. I was recently in Boston and we met up; it was wonderful as it always is. At this point I wanted to know what he was thinking about our situation. He said that he has been thinking about it as well and really likes me, but he is left wondering about the other situation. I told him to figure it out because I’m not going to compete with someone he already has history with. I also told him that I would like to give “this” a chance but needed to know if the opportunity afforded itself, if he would he get back with his ex and is just passing his time with me. He hasn’t answered me. (This conversation was over text message.)

Did I cross a line by asking if he would get back with his ex and if he’s passing his time with me?

– Crossing lines?

He told you he was on a break with another woman. Then he told you he was still thinking about her.

Sounds like you asked the right question. He just doesn’t know the answer – or he doesn’t want to share.

Don’t feel bad about asking for information. And don’t feel weird about asking by text. (In this case, putting it in writing gave him the time to process his answer.)

His non-answer almost tells you everything you need to know. He’s either hoping to get back with his ex or he wants to drag out both situations as he figures out what’s possible. Either way, it doesn’t sound like he’s offering the relationship you’re looking for.

– Meredith

Readers? Did she cross a line?

Dating

Featured Comment

no…that’s not crossing a line; that’s having good honest discussion. Sounds like you’re handling this in a good way of being direct, asking good questions and having a line of what would work (him moving on) and what wouldn’t work (nebulous break with you in the wings). Kudos to you for being honest with yourself and him. With that mindset, no mater what happens, you’ll be fine.

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