If you share a bank account, a home, and are paying off his debt together, you need to have an honest conversation about the plan. He might not be ready to get married, but combining money can be just as serious. I suggest meeting with a financial planner or third party of some kind to talk about your system together, and how you’re combining your lives. You should also find out what would happen if the relationship ended. Who’s entitled to what? How can you protect the investments you’ve made during the relationship?

You didn’t tell us what he’s said about marriage – whether he’s been clear about what’s holding him back (assuming he’s interested at all). I have to wonder whether he’s waiting to see how it goes with his son. Or maybe he just wants a full year or two of cohabitation before he makes the commitment. Those reasons would be understandable. The mom thing is confusing, though. If he’s close with her, why wouldn’t he want her to know?

It sounds like you’ve had some conversations about these issues, but that you’ve walked away without real answers. It’s time to let him know that without a real plan, you can’t feel good about contributing to a shared home – and paying his debt. He doesn’t have to make promises before he’s ready, but he should be able to tell you what kind of life he thinks you’re building together.

– Meredith

Readers? If they’re sharing a bank account, should there be a better plan?