Meredith, please help me.

I’ve read your column for years, and the time has come for me to write. I (F, 30s) have been in a relationship with an amazing guy (M, also 30s) for the past six months. He is wonderful, everything I could ask for and more. 

He is kind, hard-working, responsible, intelligent, gentle, sweet, he cooks, my cat is crazy about him, he’s handsome, the sex is good, I could go on and on. He has the purest heart and I could see myself marrying him in a heartbeat.

We see each other six to seven days a week. He has said that he doesn’t see himself getting married, but that he knows he won’t find anyone better than me, and if he does marry, it will be me. I have accepted this, as it hasn’t been that long that we are together and he makes my entire life better, so I’ve been watching and waiting to see what would evolve. He often tells me he is happy he met me and that he is so thankful for me in his life.

Last week, he informed me that he has been offered a job in another state, where he has family, and that he intends to take it. He has had many issues with his current employer and I knew he was job hunting. We live in New England and neither of us has family nearby, and his nearest relative is this person in Florida. He is leaving next week (he will be moving into a furnished room in his family member’s house and everything is all ready for him). I have asked him several times if this is a move he wants to make and he says that he knows it won’t be easy, but that he knows it’s the right step for him and he’s sure he will go. He says he can have a simpler life there for less money, working, being with family, warm weather, all of which is true.

I am shocked, but more so completely heartbroken. This person is my best friend; he’s the only man I’ve known with whom I could picture building a future. I can’t imagine my life without him and don’t know what I will do with myself when he goes. He has asked me to visit him and said he will visit, too. I offered to move down there (I was laid off in January so I am between jobs and have no family tying me here). He responded that he doesn’t want me to disrupt my life for him, which I interpret to mean he doesn’t want me to move. My friends say to watch and wait to see what will happen after he moves, but I feel like this is the end and I am crushed. I don’t know what I will do when he leaves.

What do you do when a breakup isn’t caused by any issues between you, but by a move or job change like this? He has made it very clear that this move has nothing to do with me and that he would stay with me if he remained here. I would seriously consider moving there to be with him. He is the best, I cannot imagine a future without him.

I’m trying to do all the things to take care of myself as best I can. I have been trying to spend time outside, I have an appointment with my regular therapist, I’m journaling, meditating, talking to friends. I don’t know what to do, I feel lost and so hopeless. Life seems bleak.

Please give me guidance.

– Heartbroken