A.

Two weeks ago, I visited Syracuse University, where I went to college. I stopped by the student-run newspaper, where I spent many evenings as a young person. 

I got to speak to the current staff and mingle a bit, and one young woman told me she’s also in a sorority. 

This shocked me. Because from my memory, back in the day, the newspaper kids didn’t do Greek life. The Greek life kids were focused on their own system. The sports kids were consumed by practice. The art kids did art.

That didn’t seem to be the case anymore. 

After the visit, I wound up having a long conversation with my trip companions about Greek life – and about my own isolated experience in journalism, which at times felt a bit cult-like! I was so entrenched in the student newspaper that I’m not sure I did anything else.

Any activity can be all-consuming.

After the trip, I also remembered that it wasn’t always all or nothing with fraternities and sororities. Some people I knew in college rushed and then decided it wasn’t for them. Some found incredible friends via Greek life after transferring schools and missing the freshman experience. I understand why you have issues with the system, but please don’t make assumptions about every person who chooses that path.

My thoughts for you:

1. 1. You don’t know if he’ll like Greek life. He has to figure it out on his own.
2. 2. He might like it and be able to avoid anything he finds toxic. 
3. 3. He might love a bunch of other things that drive you apart over time.
4. 4. Your relationship might not be affected by this decision at all.

The point is, you don’t know – and that’s scary. It’s uncomfortable not to have the information in advance! Please know that your significant other might be afraid that you’ll distance yourself from him when you dive into an activity you care about.

This is a fluid and confusing time. Do your best to roll with it and make decisions as they come. Ask him about his experiences and tell him about yours. If you don’t like how it’s going, you’ll leave the relationship – and it will be OK.

If it’s going to work, you have to give each other room to experiment and change.

– Meredith

Readers?

Any advice based on your college experience – or what you’ve seen with kids? Thoughts about being open to all change?

What’s on your mind about being single? Dating? Breaking up? Send your own letter by using the anonymous form or email [email protected].