He’s Getting Too Serious

Monday | March 21, 2016

Love Letters Dating

He’s Getting Too Serious

I’ve been seeing somebody I met on Tinder for four months now and I’m having a lot of fun. This is the first guy I’ve dated since going through a long and painful breakup four years ago, and it’s been really good for me. Not only is it nice to be intimate with someone again, it’s nice to know I’m capable.

Here’s the catch: I’m really comfortable with our relationship’s status quo. We’re exclusive, we do fun things together, and we spend a lot (most) of our free time together. Even though he hasn’t explicitly said anything about wanting to be more serious, he wants me to meet his parents, and he’s started to use the word “love” – in the sense that he “loves” something about me instead of “likes” or “thinks it’s quirky.” Am I being unfair by letting things go on while I suspect he’s developing stronger feelings by the day and I’m not?

I’ve hinted at not wanting things to change, so I think he knows where my head’s at, but does that make it OK to be selfish? Is there a line I can draw, such as only mentioning it if he plans to make significant life changes to be with me?

– Selfishly Involved

If you know your relationship has an expiration date, then yes, you must tell him. It’s not nice to let someone get their hopes up when you’re sure there’s an end in sight.

But if you’re enjoying the present and are just unsure about what comes next, then take a deep breath, because there’s nothing selfish about your behavior. It’s only been four months. You’re still getting to know him. All you’re supposed to have right now is an open mind.

If the love talk continues, you can tell him that you need to pace yourself. Just remind him that there’s no rush – and that you have no plans to go anywhere (assuming that’s true).

– Meredith

Readers? Is this selfish? Should she say something to slow his pace?

Dating Tinder

Featured Comment

Just tell him that you want to move a little slower and that you are happy with the status quo just like you did in the letter. That alone shouldn’t end your relationship and is a huge red flag if he can’t oblige.

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